the Education Secretary answered questions on his response to the ‘Schools That Work
For Everyone’ consultation. Here’s a reimagining of how it could have gone.
Damian will you make a statement on (snigger) the “schools that work for”
(snigger) “schools that work for everyone “consultation?
U-turn on the 50% cap on faith based admissions, but I’ll still be
lathering praise on faith schools.
don’t like grammar schools. I also just realised that if I’m going to keep tweeting
about #EducationNotSegregation
I should probably mention faith schools. If you’re sure you’re giving up on the
cap how much money are you putting into these new voluntary aided (VA) faith schools, how many
will there be and where?
that we want more partnerships with independent schools and then shrug my
shoulders about the faith schools – I don’t know what’s going to happen.
50% cap, the Catholic Education Service who are pretty
much the only people who supported this are also upset. The cap is “totally
ineffective” – if you ignore
the evidence that it is at least marginally effective – and “Catholic
schools are the most diverse, the most inclusive” – as long as we ignore all
their problems with religious and social economic selection, don’t mention any
of that homophobic
teaching and are super careful about what comparisons we
use. Plus you
used to be my buddy on this, you were all for letting Catholic schools
practice 100% discrimination in admissions. What is it about becoming Education
Secretary and having to look at this policy in more detail that keeps
making people support the cap? If new Catholic faith schools are to be VA
schools, they’ll have to put up a little money, and those pesky local
authorities may prefer inclusive schools instead and we can’t ride roughshod over them like with academies. “This is a disgraceful
announcement.”
practice indirect social economic selection get slightly – and I mean
very very slightly – above
average results. I know the Catholic Education Service had the biggest
temper tantrum when they couldn’t open 100% discriminatory academies, but come
on I’d look pretty
silly introducing more segregated schools when I’m also promoting the
integration strategy.
drop the manifesto commitment on the cap for free schools?”
majorities of every major religion and belief group were against it, everyone
from Ofsted to Ted Cantle, and our own integration tsar, pretty much everyone was
against it. And the No More Faith Schools campaign had these great
bright placards you can download from their website. So I came up with a
convoluted plan to open more VA schools.
really awkward talking about “the importance of integration and community
cohesion” if we didn’t. But hang on a minute, if religious groups can chip in
about 1% of the long term budget and then practice 100% discrimination in
admissions – not to mention employment and confessional RE – how’s that going
to “ensure integration and community cohesion”.
my intern they can fund a VA school. Voluntary Aided schools have been
around longer than we’ve been alive mate. I’m sure if allowing faith groups to
run, discriminate and proselytize in publicly funded schools wasn’t great
for community cohesion, someone
would have mentioned it.
woods and they are great. Also, if we ignore the religious discrimination and families
who are given no option other than a
faith school, they’re great for
choice.
mean choice is the most important thing, that’s why we have race based and
political party based schools as well… right? Also if we ignore the fact that only 5%
of parents choose their school based on it grounding pupils in a faith
tradition, and that the vast majority just want a good local school, we can keep
spreading the myth that faith schools are good for choice.
there any room for moving it up or down a bit?
doubt I could get away with a U-turn on my U-turn, faith groups will just have
to open VA schools if they want to keep out the infidels. Also we ask academies
to pinkie swear they will be inclusive even if they are organised around a
specific religion.
is a satirical article – obviously the MPs didn’t actually ask/answer the
questions this way. This article is not affiliated with endorsed or approved by
any organisation. However if you want an education system free from religious
control, you might want to follow the #NoMoreFaithSchools campaign.